And Then There Was Nick... (Fast Life)

And Then There Was 1Nick

1Nick- \ˈnik\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English nyke, probably alteration of nocke nock

Date: 15th century

1 a: a small notch, groove, or chip b: a small cut or wound c: a break in one strand of two-stranded DNA caused by a missing phosphodiester bond2: a final critical moment <in the nick of time>3slang British: prison; also: police station4British: condition <in good nick> OH YEAH AND ALSO ME.......

Somewhere in the gloomy afternoon of middle Germany, during the dreaded Cold War there is dusty room dim and humid with a spectacular event about to happen. People jumbled around a beautiful young lass like lions around a gazelle on the Serengeti Plains of Africa. My father nowhere in the room to be found lost in the building somewhere or he might be in the hall not allowed in because of sanitary reasons. Just imagine this young 25 year old male pacing back and forth with raised blood pressure, sweat on his brow, knuckles ghostly white because his hands clenched tightly with anticipation. The room is electric with tension, as my mother is laid out on the hospital bed. She lets out a primal grunt, only associated with animalistic behavior. The young doctor turns away instantaneously, to grab a medical instrument of some sort. That is the very instant the nurse yells out with her squeaky mouse like voice.....

"Doctor, doctor his head, his head is crowning!!"

My Mother doesn't have time to even let the statement soak into to her mind. She contorts her face with concentration and pain in effort to create one last push. The Doctor reaches down and doesn't come back up until he has a 9lb 8oz baby boy in rough, sweaty hands. Sickly pale and tired my mother nearly faints from the whole ordeal. The nurses quickly whisk the baby boy away like a feather in the wind. What felt like an eternity they bring the crying baby boy back to my mother, she cries as she smiles with the bliss of giving life to such small beautiful creature. My father, who finally made it in the room has a smile (tears also in his eyes) greets this young man with a hearty...

"Good evening Nicholas, you are perhaps the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life."

Ok I must admit that this might not be what truly happened, but do you really expect me to really know the details I was under a lot of pressure that day, for it was me born in that dusty, dim hospital room.

Then boom everything in fast forward...

I turn one. Dad and Mom get divorced, talk about shitty. I move to Mora. I turn four and go to preschool. Then I turn five, time for kindergarten, mom gets re married. What was that guys name... Oh yeah Pat, that's his name. Then six years old, first grade and my first crush comes and goes. Then seven, second grade. Eight years old, third grade of course, I get my first crush on a teacher. I blur right through fourth, fifth, and sixth grade. Wait, was I even in sixth grade? Seventh grade now I am in the big school, with all the big kids. Alright! Eighth grade, never new what happened, but puberty kicks in talk about an awkward time for me. Ninth grade start planning for after high school that is some scary shit there. Tenth grade forgot it. Eleventh grade met another cute gal I liked a lot but now I've seem to have forgotten her name too. Then twelfth grade I graduate and get thrown out into the real world.

The real world, fuck I am not even sure. Of what you may ask? I don't even know what I am not sure of or if I am sure about being not sure about being sure I am not sure of anything. Holy shit I am confused, are you? Where do I go? Do I get a job, do I go to school? What am I suppose to do? Do you even know? Then again I could just...

Oops out of time make a decision... NOW!!!

Boom fast forward....

The world, ha, what funny place. I fall in love, then out of love, then in love, etcetera, and etcetera. I get arrested then find Jesus. Hi Jesus! I get out, I behave myself, get a job and then lose Jesus. Bye Jesus! I meet friends. Then I lose my job, move, get a Job and move, and then lose a job once again. I try to find Jesus again but become Buddhist, then Islamic, atheist, Muslim, Jewish, Mormon, a Quaker, Amish, Jehovah witness, and now not sure what I am. I find what I like, WOMEN. I research about what women like. I know what I like, 2SEX...

2Sex

Pronunciation: \ˈseks\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Latin sexus

Date: 14th century

1: either of the two major forms of individuals that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as female or male especially on the basis of their reproductive organs and structures2: the sum of the structural, functional, and behavioral characteristics of organisms that are involved in reproduction marked by the union of gametes and that distinguish males and females3 a: sexually motivated phenomena or behavior b: sexual intercourse4: genitalia

Ok sex isn't good enough of a word, not nearly detailed enough, not harsh enough of a definition...

Ok how about this one... 3SEXUAL INTERCOURSE

3Sexual Intercourse

Function: noun

Date: 1799

1: heterosexual intercourse involving penetration of the vagina by the penis: coitus 2: intercourse (as anal or oral intercourse) that does not involve penetration of the vagina by the penis

See that's the one, that 's what I was looking for...

I never had sex until a year ago you know. I go on a sex rampage, eleven women in one year, talk about addicted to something. I quit my factory job people die. I become a bartender, finally meet a girl I like and still haven't had sex with her. That's a good thing I need to slow down. Join college and now here I sit typing the most slipshod thing I have comprehended for a long time.

Ok time to slow down, retard my life, catch my breath, make baby steps, you know, smell the roses. But where do I begin? Do I begin at the starting point of my sorry but somehow content life or at the end of it. I know how about this morning, this cold dark morning here in Minnesota. Yeah that's where I will start, that is the perfect place. Hell it's still fresh in my mind, why not?